I finally figured it out. My job, my role in marriage – what I’m supposed to do and be “til death do us part.”
First, I’ll preface: I understand that God chose Andrew and me as vocations for each other to glorify Him together in the Sacrament of Marriage for the rest of our lives.
That being said, there’s no denying that life is full of distractions. We have three little boys, a house, blogs, work, fatigue, hobbies, and duties whirling around us so fiercely that it’s tempting to base my role in marriage on one or all of them; for example I might think that my job as a wife is to be a good mom or a good cook/housekeeper, a diligent columnist, or a strong individual.
But that’s not totally accurate.
While these things are included in the daily experience of my vocation, they’re not at the heart of my job description as a wife. Because God chose me specifically to be Andrew’s vocation, it is my task to be a conduit of God’s love for Andrew and vice versa. Simply put, God loves us through the people in our lives, and most especially our spouses. God wants to use ME to convey His love to Andrew and it’s my task to let Him. Knowing this has totally altered my self-perception: I have to consider that my moods, thoughts, words, and actions affect how well I’m allowing God to work through me to love my husband and fulfill my vocation. I know that marriage is a call to serve God through serving spouse, but really grasping the kind of service I’m supposed to do has made it all more real. If God will show Andrew tenderness in the day, it will likely come through me and similarly, God will show His mercy and strength to me through Andrew.
Though we won’t be the only people God uses to convey Himself day in and out, we are the primary ones chosen to do so as long as we both shall live. And if we’re going about it all the right way, then to draw closer to each other will be a way for us to draw closer to God Himself.
Admittedly, this is a pretty tall order. The only way I know I’ll succeed is if I maintain my relationship with God through daily prayer, through frequenting the Sacraments of Eucharist and Reconciliation, thereby encountering His love as an individual so I can bring it in my marriage. And if I remain steadfast in my closeness with Andrew, then it comes full circle. Maintain my relationship with God lets me bring that love to Andrew, who brings God’s love to me, which helps me maintain my relationship with God.
And if I do THAT, then Andrew and I will stand firm as the eye of the hurricane amid the millions of distractions because we’ll remain focused on God, focused on each other, and focused on the presence of God in each other.
Anyway, just a thought.