Finally! I can surface for just a second to share this gem of insight from Mother Teresa. The past month of having a new baby in the house has been a wild ride of both smooth sailing and holding on … Continue reading
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Tag Archives: Mother Teresa
A Simple Instrument
Friday night I saw the production Vianney, a one-man rendition of the life of St. John Vianney. What a compelling experience! I’ve never yearned for the grace of the sacraments in such a way and I found myself disappointed that confession wasn’t offered immediately afterward. It was such a fantastic show, moving with frightful scenes of Satan and beautifully hopeful messages from St. Philomena, both in the midst of the life of the simplest of souls doing his best to serve God.
I couldn’t wait to go because it had been ages since I last saw a show. As a high schooler and college student, my life was wrapped up in performance and though I’m no longer active on stage, I hear it beckoning whenever an interesting production is in town. It’s such a little thing, but I thank God for my attraction to theater because in this particular instance, it did me so much good.
I knew nothing of the Curé of Ars before Vianney, but had previously wondered about the story (don’t miss an opportunity to check it out!). As the life of the saint unfolded before me, I was surprised to learn not only that he was an older seminarian, having joined later than his peers, but also that he toiled through his education because he had very little intelligence. A HUGE emphasis was placed on how ignorant and incapable of learning he was: there was absolutely no greatness of mind in this man – zero – yet the greatness of soul and love were abundant. He had remarkably constant confidence in God and because of this, God used him to convert tens of thousands of souls in his day, and much more so since. He was determined to conquer the sinfulness of Ars and draw the town to Christ, practically chasing down any who resisted and weeping for them from the pulpit during Mass. He was attacked and beaten physically by Satan and through it all, simply repeated “I love you Lord, I love you Lord.” What fortitude! I can’t help feeling humbled after having seen Vianney – God used an ignorant peasant to form into a priest with passionate love for souls and implemented this instrument of His to convert so many. Knowing that God uses me, uses us all, as His instrument compels me to strive for heavenly perfection – what a task! and to consider it is overwhelming and almost hopeless; but then, that’s what draws me closer to Christ and the sacraments because I know certainly that without them, I have nothing.
On a related note, I don’t know much about Mother Teresa other than her profound love for souls, and this much she had in common with St. John Vianney. The two of their simple lives echo over and over what it is to be Christian – to love God with your entire being eagerly and readily. Heavenly Father, let us be encouraged to imitate the perfect life of Christ and others who have imitated him as well. When faced with fearful opposition, I hope I recall my love for Christ and his Church – and in doing so, how could I be conquered? Even now, a couple days after seeing the play, I am left wondering what my purpose is in life. What is it that I was put here to do? I know God is using me as a wife and mother, daughter, friend, etc – but to what end? Though uncertain of the exact details, I know that I am to love.
Weekly Snapshot:
- My friend Erin recently posted about true hospitality and how striving to have a wealth of decorations is NOT the key – a great post!
- Our parish moms group, Chaplet & Chat, is having its second official meeting this Wednesday and I’m so looking forward to it! I’m hopeful that this effort will bear good fruit.
- We got Toy Story 3 on Netflix – SO good. We saw it on our 2nd anniversary in 3D and it was EPIC, as Andrew puts it. A great wrap-up to the trilogy.
- We’re headed back to Omaha my Home-aha in just a week! The little size of our family allows us to spend alternating holidays with my parents and sister in Nebraska. I’m psyched because my sister is expecting (Baby #6!) and the last time I saw her, she wasn’t very far along at all, but now she’s showing. Also, my dad’s stuffing is to die for.
- I write all this waiting for Liam to fall asleep after a midnight teething extravaganza. He was sound asleep and woke up in pain so after a little medicine and a little rocking, he’s soothed and I hope down for the rest of the night.
My little man before lunchtime – 
I’m a Chicken
Reading The Rule of St. Benedict and Mother Teresa’s Humility List has been a big wake-up call. Despite the fact that life has been movin’ right along, I have gotten myself into a bit of a rut of spiritual inaction; but, encountering the saints in this way has been manna for my hungry soul. The challenge in both St. Benedict’s and Mother Teresa’s guidance, however, has been the required further interpretation for married laity. While I’m glad to give it a shot, St. Francis de Sales’s Introduction to the Devout Life offers direct instruction for the lifestyle.
Chapter 1 blew me away (can’t wait to read 2 & 3!). St. Francis discusses what true devotion is, and I have to confess that his clear definition was entirely fresh to me. I guess I previously thought devotion to be a step or two beyond feeling love for God or another person; much like being in love or knowing with unwavering certainty that you would die for the cause, so to speak. The definition as provided by St. Francis is remarkably simple, yet another challenge from the Church Triumphant:
But, in fact, all true and living devotion presupposes the love of God…for that Love one while shining on the soul we call grace, which makes us acceptable to His Divine Majesty;–when it strengthens us to do well, it is called Charity;–but when it attains its fullest perfection, in which it not only leads us to do well, but to act carefully, diligently, and promptly, then it is called Devotion. - Part 1, Chapter 1
And there it is. To speak more plainly, true devotion is the love of God in virtuous, unhesitating action. It’s consistent, quick to move, doesn’t think twice, yet makes a considered decision. With only this knowledge I was forced to an examination of conscience. How often I’ve driven for long periods of time and thought to myself, I could say a rosary right now or pray a chaplet. On my way home: I could stop by the adoration chapel. When I start my day: I could read Scripture and journal. But something gets in the way - I get in the way. There’s always the radio, something not-really pressing calling me home faster, or the morning Facebook check. When I was working, I believed all the excuses I made about being too busy or needing to do something else instead of pray; but now that I’m home with a low-maintenance little one, I can’t buy those false justifications anymore. It’s time that I have, and true devotion I lack.
Now for the chicken part:
St. Francis has this great analogy addressing the different types of souls. He says that ostriches don’t fly, chickens fly briefly and rarely, but eagles and swallows soar almost constantly. And so it is with souls – some people never get off the ground because they never focus on God; “well-meaning people” as St. Francis puts it, who haven’t developed true devotion, attempt flight by good actions, but it’s inconsistent and infrequent; and those who are truly devout fly to God swiftly and frequently.
I know I’m a chicken and in retrospect, I think I have been for a good portion of my life. The thing about being an ostrich, chicken, or eagle is that it’s not limited to your spiritual life; the behavior spreads to other areas too. What’s been so freeing, though, is that in coming across St. Francis de Sales’s Introduction and more specifically his definition of devotion, I feel capable of achieving new heights. Now that I know what it is, I can practice it in my relationship with God as well as my marriage. Humility, obedience, and devotion all work together so well. To be a truly devout Catholic or devoted wife, I should strive serve God, serve quickly, and without tooting my own horn.
Weekly Snapshot:
- Two weeks after my surgery and I’m finally getting back to posting. The procedure went well and I’m relieved that life is returning to normal. I couldn’t lift anything for a couple of weeks, including Liam, so for a few days he was in the care of various local extended family and then my Mom flew in from Omaha to provide an extra set of hands, too. God has been so good to us – I don’t know how we would have managed without so much help and prayers from everyone!
- I’ve started Christmas shopping! I get such a thrill out of getting good deals and steals, especially on Black Friday. Though I don’t usually brave the die-hard, cut-throat crowds at the mall, I’ve vowed to my sister that I’ll go out with her at whatever early hour this year. I’ve celebrated Black Friday online in my pajamas at 10 a.m. but never 4. Life is about experiences! and I can’t wait!
- We’re still transitioning from living in an apartment to living in a house – we have so much wall space! I’ve been printing pictures to frame and hanging shelves in any tiny span of free time I get. I have come to understand and believe in the power of 5 minutes.
Second ½ of the Humble Pie Challenge
All right – here goes the 2nd half of Mother Teresa’s Humility List as applied to married laity (For the first half, see my last post). Again, my thoughts aren’t by any means exhaustive and do not necessarily cover all situations, but I think generally there’s a good thing going here:
9. Accept insults and injuries.
No red lights on the morning commute. Someone comments as you walk by, “Hey, lookin’ good today!” The boss compliments your work. Good family dinner. Kids go down without a problem. That night you pray,”Thank you, Lord, for such a great day!” because you acknowledge that these good things were from him. Consider the opposite – someone cuts you off on the way to work, the boss is in a bad mood and is spreading it, and at the end of the day, you go home to Chaos Castle with sick or whiny kids. Do you thank God that the wreck of a day is over or do you thank him for it with the same joy as you did the day before? Mother Teresa noted, “We’ve accepted all the good things, we should accept [the bad] too.” My husband put it well, “God uses more than just sunshine and flowers to move in your soul.” Anything and everything can draw us closer to him with humility.
10. Accept contempt, being forgotten and disregarded.
A person’s value lies in God alone. SO hard to recall and recognize! When experiencing #10, my heart of glass shatters and in addition to being instantly forlorn, I become defensive and anxious; however, the confidence that comes with seeking to please God only is really great. When you place your value/dignity in other things (how cute your kids are, how organized you are, how many hits on your blog, etc.), then you allow it to be taken away when they fail. No wonder people are slighted when they’re disliked or ignored.
11. Be courteous and delicate even when provoked by someone.
There’s no sense in fighting fire with fire. Even the most tense disagreements Andrew and I have had have been settled in a spirit of charity and rationale – speaking from raw emotion does no good. Dr. Rioux at Benedictine once said in class, “My wife and I don’t look at disagreements as fights to be won by one side or the other, but rather as a rational attempt to arrive at the truth together.” And really, when you look at that way, that you and your spouse are a team fighting on the same side for what is good, you can’t go wrong.
12. Do not seek to be admired and loved.
Serve others for the sake of serving others, not for the sake of being acknowledged. I just read on my friend Erin’s blog (Humble Handmaid) that “service done in the spirit of needing or expecting thanks isn’t the kind of service that makes healthy relationships, marriages, and families.” Of course, it’s very nice to be admired and loved, but let that come naturally instead of chasing after it.
13. Do no protect yourself behind your own dignity.
Christ, King of Kings, washed the feet of his disciples. So it goes without saying that, I, a small soul far beneath the heavenly throne, certainly must avail myself of any opportunity to serve others, especially my husband and child. When I went to camp as a kid (SO fun, Catholic, all girls, all week), one of the activities we did was give each other pedicures. As awkward tweens, we hated the idea of touching someone else’s feet, but the camp director, observing our hesitation, gently reminded us, “Your Lord and Savior did this ladies – it is not beneath you.”
14. Give in, in discussions, even when you are right.
It happens: a difference of strong opinions can lead to a battle of wills. So certain of your own correctness, you refuse to back down, determined to convince your opponent to agree with you. But with a dash of humility, you can let the situation lie because your happiness doesn’t rely on someone else knowing that you’re right. If you know you’re right and the other person refuses to believe it, you can simply state your point and if he/she is unwilling to hear it, say a prayer and move on. Sometimes you have to let it go and consider this: does convincing this person make you more correct than you already were? or more importantly, happier or more humble?
15. Choose always the more difficult task.
Maybe not when it comes down to hand-washing or letting the dishwasher take care of the dried-cereal bowls, but I think most agree that habitually taking the path of least resistance won’t lead one to much virtue. Habitually facing challenges, however, imparts more knowledge, experience, and humility.
In applying this list to my life, married laity, I’ve understood the truth that all things are fleeting. Everything in this life will end, even my marriage (til death do us part, right?). I want to make sure I’m putting stock in God – everlasting, omnipotent, all-loving. Humility is realizing that love of God is #1 and proper love for yourself, your spouse, children, friends, etc. will follow naturally.
Weekly Life Snapshot:
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Andrew, Liam, and I had a family dance party to Jamiroquai’s “Canned Heat” on Saturday night – Liam was in his Johnny Jump Up and had a blast bouncing while Andrew and I showcased our best moves. I love having a family.
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I’m having surgery on Wednesday. I have pregnancy-induced gall stones so I have to have my gall bladder out. I’ve heard good things about the procedure and recovery time, so I’m not too concerned. The downside is, though I’ll be able to hold Liam, I’m not permitted to pick him up for a couple of weeks. Local extended family are going to assist with that challenge AND my mom’s coming in, too. I can’t wait (until AFTER that is). Please pray for me – I’m a little nervous about going under.
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Liam has learned how to give kisses!
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I celebrated my weekly, Monday Bake Off on Saturday – making a batch of granola and some white-chocolate covered strawberries. The strawberries weren’t much to look at, but they were good anyway.
Humble Pie CHALLENGE Part 1
I hope I get to Heaven. I especially hope that my marriage ultimately furthers my endeavors by way of Andrew drawing me closer to Christ and holiness (so far, so good!). I married Andrew because of who he is and I wanted to contribute to his happiness. I didn’t marry him solely because of what he could do for me (I did perceive that he could help me become a better person). Marriage, as well as life on a grander scale, is about service to others. I have it from experience that when I’m focused on others, I’m happy. When I choose to fix my thoughts on myself, serve only myself, fret over what I want, I’m a poor, miserable soul. (If only I could have this clarity of thought all the time!) It’s also good to treat myself to doing activities that I enjoy because these refreshments add a spark to my day and a bounce in my step, making me a more pleasant addition to our family. This being said, I have addressed each item of Mother Teresa’s steps toward humility in light of being lay, being a wife, and being a mother.
When I gave the list to my spiritual director, he suggested that I rewrite them; not to correct Mother Teresa by any means, but to adjust the list more specifically to suit my situation – married laity. In some cases, it’s easier to describe what the item does NOT imply, rather than its direct meaning. Below is part 1 of my efforts, numbers 1-8. I don’t consider my thoughts to be at all exhaustive:
1. Speak as little as possible about yourself. I need to make sure I’m giving Andrew the time of day, so to speak. Make sure he has the opportunity to talk about himself - things going on at work, thoughts on life, preferences, etc. I shouldn’t hog our “how-was-your-day” time.
2. Keep busy with your own affairs and not those of others. Mind your own business :) In application to us, we should discuss what we can better in our own relationship rather than dwelling on the short-comings or successes of other marriages (that is, committing the sins of pride or envy toward other marriages; it’s perfectly acceptable to admire the strengths in other relationships or to learn valuable lessons from mistakes made in others)
3. Avoid curiosity. This one is a bit difficult, but in my so-far limited understanding, I think it encourages a person to keep focus on what is good only. “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” (Philippians 4:8)
4. Do not interfere in the affairs of others. It is my task to attend to my own family matters, not to stick my nose into the affairs of others. If a person should seek my advice, I can give it and leave things at that, but I shouldn’t meddle in others’ problems.
5. Accept small irritations with good humor. I can’t remember which of my sister’s friends it is who used to dread making coffee for her husband in the morning. It was just one of those things. She added a bit of perspective to little pet peeves (picking up dirty socks, sweeping up tracked-in mud, etc.) by saying, “Someday, he won’t be here for me to make coffee for him.” Life is short – why fuss over something so insignificant when you could spend that time humbly serving your spouse? To serve others is to serve Christ; to serve Christ is certain joy.
6. Do not dwell on the faults of others. With regard to marriage, if I’m so fixed on the downfalls of others’ marriages, then I blind myself to the flaws in my own, allowing whatever flaws there are to sit stagnant or grow. No good.
7. Accept censures even if unmerited. Both of my older siblings have been married to their spouses for over 5 years and from those two wonderful marriages have come 10 beautiful babies. What is astonishing is that numerous strangers have audaciously and sarcastically commented to both my sister and sister-in-law, “You know what causes that, right?” or “Do you drive a bus??” Truly unmerited censures, most of the time, don’t deserve a response. If a response is necessary, it should be developed under the wing of Christian charity and presented with humility.
8. Give in to the will of others. Andrew wants the room arranged one way, I want it another; is it really worth getting into a battle of the wills? If such a little thing contributes to his happiness, then it should contribute to mine as well. Don’t misunderstand me here: I don’t mean that if anything makes him happy, then I should just submit to it, i.e. playing video games for 23 hours straight. Rather, as my friend Erin (Humble Handmaid) reminds her readers, don’t sweat the small stuff.
Mother Teresa’s Humble Pie
I’m sentimental. My appreciation for nostalgia is a balanced one now, but when I was a kid I kept everything because of the “meaning” behind it. Homework assignments, feathers from the backyard, stuffed animals I didn’t even like; my room was a mess of clutter and I was proud of everything I had that collected dust. In one of my several “memory drawers,” was a photo album stuffed with holy cards. I had a million for every occasion, most of which didn’t apply to a 7 year old – marriage, death of a child, ordination, lost causes. Sifting through my collection while packing up for college, I came upon a yellowed, laminated scrap of paper: Mother Teresa’s Humility List. I was 17 or so and thought a few of the items were over-the-top then, but now the blow of the challenge is HUGE.
Mother Teresa’s Humility List
1. Speak as little as possible about yourself.
2. Keep busy with your own affairs and not those of others.
3. Avoid curiosity.
4. Do not interfere in the affairs of others.
5. Accept small irritations with good humor.
6. Do not dwell on the faults of others.
7. Accept censures even if unmerited.
8. Give in to the will of others.
9. Accept insults and injuries.
10. Accept contempt, being forgotten and disregarded.
11. Be courteous and delicate even when provoked by someone.
12. Do not seek to be admired and loved.
13. Do no protect yourself behind your own dignity.
14. Give in, in discussions, even when you are right.
15. Choose always the more difficult task.
What a challenge! The more I consider this list, the more questions I have. How do I avoid feeling hurt if the opportunity to practice #10 (accepting contempt, disregard) comes up? How do I apply #7 (accepting censures) or #14 (giving in even when right) without becoming a door mat, letting people walk all over me? Or is the idea to become one? Christ was not so I’m sure the answer to the latter is no. I suppose in order to practice these items devoutly, a person has to have a profoundly deep sense that his dignity lies in God alone. Why would I seek to be admired and loved by others if I need only to be loved by God – and I already am! so there!
Pride is a horse pill - hard to swallow. I’m so eager to work on this and develop my understanding of not only this list, but of humility on a grander scale. What are the best ways to practice humility as a wife and mother? As a friend? Sizing up the items on my scrap piece of paper makes me feel small and I can’t help but shake my head at my own soul and behavior. Bottoms up.
For more Humble Pie, try on the Litany of Humility.
